Archive for September, 2013
Losing My Religion
Disclaimer: This post addresses a topic that is sensitive for many people- religion. I want to make sure that people know I am in no way trying to advocate for or against any specific religion or trying to preach to you that your beliefs are wrong. Instead, I am just expressing my frustrations with my current relationship to Judaism.
When I was younger, I used to have nightmares during Yom Kippur.
I was taught in Hebrew School that on this day, G-d decides if you live or die in the next year. I took this so literally when I was young, praying to be inscribed into the book of life, actually afraid that I might die in the coming year.
I grew out of that phase quickly but from it I took a genuine interest and appreciation for religion.
Anxiety is My Invisible Illness
There have been so many great blog posts for Invisible Illness Week about inflammatory bowel disease that I didn’t have anything else to add! So I decided to go another route and let you all know about who I am and my invisible illness.
There are days where I feel like I am completely losing my mind, where I am so overcome by negative thoughts and desperate for some relief that I wished someone would hospitalize me. Days where the thought of eating, going outside or even talking to my husband make me want to crawl into a cave and hibernate. Days where I am so on edge that I snap at people who I love and people I don’t even know.
Many people don’t recognize that I am “sick” because they can’t see it. My sickness is on the inside, masked by years of practice of concealing any physical evidence of the illness, thus rendering it invisible. But just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean its not there.
The Diagnostics and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders classifies what I suffer from as code 300.02- Generalized Anxiety.
I’ve been living with generalized anxiety and panic attacks for most of my life. I was always an anxious child – the one who clung to the fence in the schoolyard in first grade screaming about not wanting my parents to leave me alone at school. I was the child who would come home from sleepovers at 11 p.m. because of overwhelming anxiety about being away from their parents, even if it was just down the road. I was the teenager who tried to go to sleep away camp on three separate occasions but called home every day in hysterics (I was never allowed to come home early though). I was the teenager who, after the suicide of her friend, was so overcome with grief and anxiety that going to school became too much to handle.
I was 16 years old when I was formally diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder. According to the National Institute of Mental Health,
“people with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) are extremely worried about these and many other things, even when there is little or no reason to worry about them. They are very anxious about just getting through the day. They think things will always go badly.”
That’s one way of putting it.
Back to School with IBD
Sorry for the hiatus again- I am still getting situated into a new commuting lifestyle and figuring out how to balance my time between work and the blog is proving to be challenging. My plan is to continue to blog but I am not sure how frequently it’ll happen. That being said, I will do my best to make the posts that I do write extra special!
The start of the school year reminded me of those days and made me think about all the young kids and teenagers I know who have Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis. I don’t have children but I can sympathize what it’s like to go to school feeling different. I spent my junior year of high school in and out of classes because of severe anxiety and agoraphobia that eventually landed me at home for the rest of the school year (I’ll elaborate more on that in another post).
Going to school can be difficult when you have an illness but it can be especially hard when you have IBD. A nurse at Seattle Children’s Hospital recently authored a blog post for the hospital’s website with tips for heading back to school with IBD. The tips were very informative and I wanted to share them and elaborate on them.
Caring for Crohn's & UC 